my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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