if only i could text you this smell
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
