Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pants are for mortals
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
