i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
