lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
