I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
