Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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