I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
