Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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