As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
