you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
