here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
