I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
