dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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