what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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