that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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