White coat. Heels.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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