My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
