I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
