Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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