Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
