so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize