He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
