her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
