Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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