I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
