I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
