im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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