Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
