Im at strip club and am horny
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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