Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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