I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
