can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize