Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize