I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
