I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
