Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
