Old men and throwing up are my life now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
