honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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