so explain again why im purple
no
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
