There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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