I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
