btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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