There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sext me about skeletons
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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