You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
