When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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