i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
