My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
