I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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