Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
