I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
