My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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