If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
