Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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