we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
