Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
