you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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