Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize