I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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