i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
