Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
