Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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