He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
