Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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