believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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