Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
