eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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