Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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