my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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