Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
