Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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