so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
