in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
