Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
