can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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