I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
